After nearly forty-eight years of marriage, I cannot imagine being as happy with anyone other than my wife. To cherish, respect, and love her as if I had just received her from God. It is wonderful to age together with her!
Marriage is not just a temporal or social arrangement. It is God’s ordained form of shared life between a man and a woman. Through marriage, God also continues His work of creation in a world where, as Martin Luther put it, “God created me and all creatures.” This is what we believe according to God’s Word. Marriage is a holy union ordained by God.
Is divorce acceptable?
The Pharisees once asked Jesus whether a man could divorce his wife. Jesus asked what Moses had decreed. The Pharisees replied, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” Jesus replied that Moses had given this rule because of the hardness of people’s hearts, and continued:
“But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:6-9).
According to the words of Jesus, the Son of God, the basis and nature of marriage are clear: it is a lifelong union between a man and a woman, which God has promised to bless. As the discussion continued, Jesus taught: “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:11-12).
The key point in Jesus’ teaching is that divorce and remarriage while one’s spouse is still alive is a sin. The law that Moses gave because of the hardness of people’s hearts cannot break what God, the Creator, has ordained. Even if the earthly, visible church and social law allow divorce, God’s Word does not accept it. Before God, marriage is valid as long as both spouses are alive.
According to St. Augustine of Hippo (354-430), one of the virtues of marriage is “sacramentum,” by which he means the sanctity and indissolubility of marriage. Marriage creates a bond between spouses that cannot be broken by human beings. Other virtues include “fides” (fidelity) and “proles” (progeny), but even if fidelity is violated and the union remains childless, the indissolubility of marriage remains in force. Paul compares the bond of marriage to the inseparability of Christ and the church (Eph. 5:32). Christian marriage is therefore lifelong and ends only with the death of one of the spouses.
What if one spouse is violent? Can one get divorced in that case? Sometimes the situation can be dangerous for the spouse or children, and the only solution may be to live apart. In such a situation, it is also important to seek professional help to resolve the problems. The goal should be to resolve the issues and allow the spouses to reunite. A believer wants to forgive their spouse for their mistakes, but no one should have to accept violence in their home.
Fidelity is the most important pillar of marriage
Sexual interaction belongs to marriage and is an essential part of it. It is also a particularly sensitive area and requires deep respect and consideration for the other person. Infidelity is the worst offense against a spouse. That is probably why God’s commandment concerning the matter is clear: “You shall not commit adultery.” Infidelity contaminates a marriage and always affects the relationship between spouses, no matter how well it is hidden. God knows and reminds the sinner of it in their conscience.
Can a marriage work after infidelity? God’s forgiveness is infinite. If the sinful spouse confesses their sin, regrets it, and asks for forgiveness, the believing spouse will want to forgive even such a grave sin. The future of the marriage depends on whether the spouses can forgive each other from the heart, but also on their mental resilience and willingness to love each other “in good times and in bad”. The spouses want to remain faithful to each other from the heart. Infidelity is not a valid reason for divorce, which according to God’s Word is wrong and a sin.
Why is a marriage between two men or two women not acceptable?
The Bible says: “Before they [the men who came to Lot’s house in Sodom] had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom—both young and old—surrounded the house. They called to Lot, ‘Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.’” (Genesis 19:4-5).
Lot received advice from God: “Hurry! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away when the city is punished.” (Genesis 19:15). Lot left, and God destroyed the city because of its sinful lifestyle.
Paul writes to the Romans about the same sin: “Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.” (Romans 1:26-27).
Since God’s Word does not approve of same-sex marriage, Christians who base their faith on the Word and are taught by the Holy Spirit cannot approve of it either. Not even if many churches approve of it. This is not a matter of oppressing a minority, but of obedience to God’s Word. God’s mercy belongs to everyone, and those who belong to sexual minorities are also loved and called to God’s kingdom.
Good days and bad days, ups and downs
According to many Christian wedding ceremonies, spouses make their marriage vows before God and the congregation. In doing so, they promise each other fidelity and love in good times and bad, until death separates them. The emotional high of the early days of marriage usually lasts a few months or a year, but sooner or later disagreements may arise. Harsh words, insults, and actions that spouses do not want to do to each other occur.
Because of Christ’s work of reconciliation, believing spouses forgive each other for all sins, harsh words, and insults. God’s grace also teaches obedience to God’s Word. Spouses are equal, and from the beginning on, both want to love and respect each other just as they are. They want to resolve difficulties, and divorce is not an option.
What is God’s blessing in marriage?
Solomon writes: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22). He continues: “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” (Proverbs 19:14). He further states: “The tongue has the power of life and death.” (Proverbs 18:21)
Men and women are different. They have grown up in different environments. Therefore, their upbringing has also been different. In one home, people were sensitive to insults, in the other, not so much. In one home, people worked hard, in the other, work was relaxed and unhurried. In one home, education and studying were particularly important, in the other, they were not so important.
God also made men and women different in their biological structures and minds. As continuers of God’s work of creation, men and women have completely different roles. At first, in the euphoria of falling in love, conflicts remain beneath the surface. As the years go by, all of this becomes visible and can still be felt in the relationship decades later. Differences bring conflicts, but also richness to a shared home. You can change yourself if you want to. However, you must accept the other person just as they are!
Selfishness is a part of human nature. It is therefore not a given that two people will adapt to living together without difficulty. Differences of opinion and arguments can easily make us forget our promise to love each other during good times and bad. A believer wants to see the good in their spouse in particular, but does not want to remind their spouse of their negative traits. “I can live on a fine compliment for two months,” wrote Mark Twain. If only I could remember that in my everyday life! It is amazing that even after decades of living together, we can still discover new traits in each other. Surely the departure of the children from home and being left with only each other again also have an impact.
A cornerstone of a believers’ home is forgiveness. A believer can forgive another’s sins in the name and blood of Jesus, that is, because of Jesus’ work of reconciliation. This great blessing also applies to believing spouses. God forgives sins and offenses through the power of the Holy Spirit. The sin no longer exists and should not be remembered later. Spouses are traveling companions and helpers for each other on the path to heaven.
Jesus taught, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:20). The home of believers is like a small church of Christ, ruled by the Lord Jesus himself through his Spirit.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
When God created man and woman, he blessed them and said to them: “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth” (Genesis 1:28). The prophet Jeremiah received this word from the Lord: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah 1:5)
Humans have no right to interfere with God’s work of creation by limiting the number of children in a family. This is the message of the Bible, which Luther summarized, “I believe that God created me and all creatures.” Children bring work and trouble to a family. However, they are also a great treasure and a blessing from God. After all, our children will remain here in this world after we are gone!
Believing married couples do not plan the size of their family: the Creator has already planned it (Jer 1:5). Some families are small or have no children at all, while others may be very large, depending on how God blesses them with children. Children are therefore a heritage from the Lord and offspring a reward from him. (Psalm 127:3).
“Who is the greatest?”
Who is in charge in the family, the husband or the wife? Even the disciples argued about who was the greatest. Jesus taught, “the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve” (Mark 10:45). In this way, he set himself as an example for us.
The apostle Paul wrote to the Ephesians: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:22-25). This is advice that does not encourage husbands to be domineering or abusive. It teaches humility, respect for the other, and service. Paul continues: “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Eph 5:28).
For a believer, a spouse who shares the same faith is not only a help for this life. He or she also helps and encourages the other to keep faith and a good conscience, so that both may one day enter their heavenly home. Marriage should therefore be treated like the most beautiful flower, for it is holy.
Author: Kingdom of Peace
Image: Jonas Dovi